Step 10. It's about the journey, not the destination

Ever since I embarked on my quest for health in 2013 it's been a squiggly line of slight progression and ups and downs and round abouts. Much like this...

But I must confess the main reason that it's been such a long time since I wrote on this blog is because I was ashamed. I felt like a failure and had no motivation to keep documenting my journey.  

I ate LCHF and tried so hard for so long to work out but I saw no marked improvements. I did cleanses and took supplements, applied lotions, I even cleared all chemicals out of my life from medication and make up to deodorant and house hold products. 

But I never saw lasting results. My biggest issue though was that I had somehow managed to surround myself with assholes. At home and at work!

I lost all motivation and self esteem and just fell into a slump. And with me a slump means binging. Binge junk food, netflix and alcohol. I fell off the wagon. Hard. 

I knew I had to get out and make some serious changes so at the beginning of 2015 I quit my job, moved out of my share house and embarked on a round the world adventure. Traveling from chile through to Alaska! You can read all about it here if you like.

That trip changed my life! I found direction, motivation and happiness that I hadn't felt in a very long time. 

Just before I embarked on my travels I decided to begin another course of medication to clear my skin of Psoriasis.

Looking fierce in Canada

I just couldn't take it anymore. I was desperate for results. For a cure. For anything to help get me out of the depressive slump I had found myself in.

The Topiramate gave me amazing results! I had been on and off the drug numerous times over the years but this time, combining the medication with what I had learnt about healthy eating and exercise my skin cleared up within a month.

Plus with all the walking and tropical fun swimming and yoga, I dropped about 10 kgs!

I'm sure it didn't hurt that I was on vacation for  5 months, surrounded by happy positive loving friends and family. And bathing in the sunshine 24/7. 

I looked and felt amazing! But it wasn't all good. As I mentioned in my post about Toprimate, while it gives me such incredible results it also makes me incredibly anxious and foggy. But worst of all I started smoking again. Everyone smokes in South America and feeling as edgy as I did I didn't need any encouragement to start back up. 

 Feeling fabulous in Coast Rica!

Feeling fabulous in Coast Rica!

I felt like a cheat. Like a failure. Here I was writing a blog about healing my skin naturally and not only had I not made any progress with alternate therapies I was right back where I started. Smoking and taking medication. 

It just feels like I am on a merri-go-round. While on the medication I have clear skin and have no troubles eating well and exercising, but the anxiety it induces makes me crave cigarettes and I have been told I am also not the 'nicest' person to be around when I am on it. Then when I stop the medication my skin condition returns and I begin emotionally eating again. 

Having psoriasis affects everyone differently. It makes me angry and isolated so I compensate with food.

On the plus side though I learnt so much about myself. I began to notice clear triggers affecting my skin and my weight. How stress and sunlight impacted not only my skin but my mood and my appetite. I also began to accept certain things about myself and come to terms with who I am and what I stand for. 

That is why I am back writing again. While I have fallen behind on my quest to heal myself with natural therapies, I have learnt that maybe this journey isn't about 'natural therapies' or 'finding a cure' through juicing or cleansing or any other fashionable method. 

While I would love that to have been the case, it hasn't worked out that way for me.  

Which is why I have decided to become a human guinea pig. This next stage of my journey I have decided to forget the hype and test out every possible treatment, therapy and remedy available to me out there. I want to trial and see what does or doesn't work to alleviate my symptoms and assist me in living a happy, healthy more balanced life. 

Anything to get off this darn merry-go-round!

As they say "If you want something you have never had, you have to do something you've never done".